Hey Single Ladies...

This is a real personal from Craigslist... (emphasis added by spire)
N.B.: This is much more hilarious when read out loud with friends.

Local 30s Vassar grad seeks cool Vassar gal (Poughkeepsie)

I am an active, well spoken, single Vassar alumn in my 30s, my degree is in Psych. I am 5-9, on the muscular side, Irish/English and Spanish/Asian, dark hair, white complexion, slightly exotic looking. I dress in casual or sporty un-ostentious clothes, cargoes and trailrunners, that sort of thing. 

I enjoy going to the gym, martial arts, holistic health, reading, “classic” movies and music of the 70-90s, games, local pubs, and socializing with interesting considerate attractive people who have a clue. My personality is confident, casual, quiet but occasionally outgoing if I like you. I try to be an intense person with some depth and substance to me. I would say I am an idea person, I enjoy theories, but have pretty decent physical and social sides too. I don’t drink or use any drugs personally but I’m not overly judgmental about them.

Mainly what I have to offer is being an interesting, understanding, unconventional, reliable casual yet intense guy with a nicely functional brain. 



The type of girl I like is spontaneous, quiet, easy going, athletic, artistic, intelligent, and warm hearted. Yes I like quiet girls with a lot going on inside. Not quiet, shy, and mousy. Not quiet because they hate people and can’t be bothered. Just quiet and cool. Now, if you happen to be outgoing but you have a cool quiet reflective side too, then I like that as well. Just no outgoing gals who never stop to reflect on anything, or can’t think without ten friends telling them what to do, please. Other no-goes for me would be anyone who is snobbish, afraid to get their hands dirty, a gossip, or trying to put on a fashion show. Tattoos and quirky/creative funky/shocking fashions are fine, just none of that preppie trendy shizzit please. 

Physically speaking, I like girls who are strong and sporty for their size, light or medium in weight, more hourglass type figures, bright observant eyes. Clothingwise, well it would really help if you look adorable in a hoodie and pajama shorts with hot cocoa in your hand. I think I’ll go with “you dress functional and comfy with occassionally unabashed hotness.” 

Please don’t answer my ad if you haven’t thought through the idea of dating someone who is not a fellow student at your school. I like the girls who are more mentally mature than their peers, not the standard “hipster.” No I won’t think you’re odd for answering my ad, I know a lot of college guys are still very highschool-ish, inarticulate, or they’re just skinnier than the girls, and artsy/intellectual in that oh so pretentious way, therefore it makes sense to look elsewhere if that is not your cup o’ tea.

I am posting this ad now because skcrewl is just starting and it is stressful, the weather is really nice, friends are cool but they only go so far, and therefore any single young healthy gal with a brain is probably thinking of how to become a happier and non-single gal with a brain.

If you answer my ad, being sincere and real really goes a long way with me. People usually get stuck at what to say so maybe you could describe your personality, interests, appearance, and what brought you here. No need to be apprehensive, I’m super nice unless someone is lying to me or taking advantage.

Hope to hear from you!