Overheard at Vassar

Drunk fool on his phone outside my window:

"You'll make fun of me, but you won't judge me, right?"

"So like in the event that I got in touch with her, you won't think less of me will you? Cause I kinda already texted her..."

"I mean, a man's got needs, you know?"

"If I just ask her to go down on me, she will."

"I mean, she's very ugly."

wowwwwwww