The Attack of the Killer (Imaginary) Zombies

One night, as I was bored to tears, I decided to watch a classic horror film: Night of the Living Dead. I found myself pondering a zombie attack on campus and envisioned the living dead slowly working their way across Noyes Circle. Since Noyes is mostly glass, I quickly decided it would be the worst place on campus to ride out a zombie attack. It wouldn’t take long for those hoards of the undead to smash every piece of glass and infiltrate the dorm.

Next was Jewett. I determined it wasn’t too bad for an attack, but the problem with most quad dorms is an abundance of doors that need to be blocked from the onslaught. Its height is an advantage but bad if you get trapped near the top as there would be limited options aside from jumping. Joss, same issue…. The rest of the quad, if fortified, would be good for a small standoff, but not enough for any long-term holdout. Cushing is way too small for the campus to flock to.

So what’s left to defend Vassar from demonic flesh eaters? Naturally Main! There are 3 main stairways in Main. All 3 have double doors only opened by your v-card. The other two stairways are equipped with heavy fire doors, shutting down the building from the 2nd floor up. For every entrance there is a logical, simple way to keep the dead out and the living in and safe. The more I thought the better I felt about living in Main! Outlandish? Maybe. But when the Umbrella Corp. unleashes (un)death on the world, you know where to go.

contrASt