I Was Almost Abducted

Hey buddies. I have a good reason for not posting last week. But let me say first: I love the X-Files and the new movie is going to be ...SEEN BY ME, if not thrilling.

So, like, last week I was sitting downstairs in my house alone, the clock about to strike midnight. I'm playing solitaire and singing to the Allman Bros Band, when I heard the absolute oddest thing from the room behind me. Have you ever put two cellphones on speakerphone, had one call the other, and heard the weird bat-like echoey noises that crescendo into a shrieky...banshee-like sound? Yeah, well that's what I heard, and really effing loudly coming from the closet. I looked for any electronic devices that might have been making the sound but there was absolutely nothing. I was kind of weirded out so I called Daddy, who came down just in time to catch the last of the noise, but he was like, "ooh it'th jutht batth" and I was like, "did you NOT hear the unearthly screams?"....

So then he went back upstairs and someone knocked on the window next to the porch 3 or 4 times, then my alarm system notified me that someone was fiddling with the upstairs door, which you can only access from that very porch by climbing some stairs. SO i called my dad and told him to quickly check the door and make sure no one was being raped, as the bedrooms are upstairs but it took him like 5 minutes to be convinced I wasn't kidding around. "Dad, someone's terrorizing me!" I felt like Rosemary when no one believed her something was wrong with what turned out to be the spawn of Satan creating havoc in her womb.

Then the demonic noises start again, this time with a bark and a deep, like, moan/laugh/neither added to the mess. It sounded like the soundtrack to a house of horrors, really it did. Daddy said no one was upstairs and he and mom came downstairs and were freaked out by the sound, wouldn't go in the room. Dad saw someone moving near our house, checked outside perimeter (the well-lit perimeter, that is) and saw nothing. My mom said she had seen lights in her bedroom earlier, around midnight.

Then the internet wouldn't work.

So, like, I've decided that although I'd be a wonderful medium for a poltergeist, it sounds more like aliens to me.

To whatever alien pranked my house so elaborately, go probe yourself with a stick of dynamite and blow yourself back to where you came from. Don't you know aliens are ILLEGAL here?

Ciao, bellas. and..bellos? P.S. did anyone see Lost?! Uh, I love Sayid.